


Take My Hand

by Klaine_Destiel_Sabriel



Category: Glee
Genre: Abuse, Confessions, Crying, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Self Harm, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:55:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22703551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Klaine_Destiel_Sabriel/pseuds/Klaine_Destiel_Sabriel
Summary: Kurt is swept off his feet by the handsome, talented Dalton boy, but what will happen when certain mysteries are revealed about him?
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There is self harm in this chapter! You have been warned!

It had been a month since the new boy, Kurt Hummel, had arrived at Dalton Academy. Blaine had immediately befriended him, though he sensed that they were quickly becoming something more. The school, as well as Blaine’s overall life, were that much brighter when Kurt was around, Blaine thought.

Blaine was generally a loner, he only stuck around Nick, and now Kurt. Although he was happy to be with the Warblers, or really anyone from Dalton, he preferred his own company, along with a few close friends.

The week had been a rough one, Blaine’s grades just didn’t seem to be as easy to keep up as they used to be. He hadn’t felt himself, the worry about his father finding out about his failing in Geometry class would surely not end well. He sat alone in his bedroom, passing time slowly with meaningless activities as he awaited his friends returns. They had all, for the most part, ventured away from the academy during the weekend, but because Blaine didn’t have anywhere that he wanted to go, and because Nick had taken a week off to go on a vacation with his family, Blaine stayed cooped up in his dorm all weekend.

Blaine had received a “happy birthday!” text from his best friend Nick, and Nick has left him a few new comic books as a gift, which kept him entertained, but otherwise, he was alone on his seventeenth birthday, which didn’t bother him much.

On Sunday evening as students were arriving back on campus after their weekends spent away, Blaine startled at the knock on his door. He put down the comic book that he had been reading, and stood to cross to the door. When he opened it, he was met with a smile larger than the earth itself.

“Happy Birthday!” Kurt grinned wider as he tossed his arms around Blaine’s shoulders. Blaine was taken by surprise, but he soon let himself relax into Kurt’s hug, smiling brightly and laughing a genuine laugh.

“You remembered,” Blaine muttered, unsure of Kurt was able to hear him.

“Of course I remembered, Blaine!” Kurt pulled away from him, still buzzing with energy. “I got you something.” Kurt turned the small box in his hand back and forth, eyes dancing with excitement.

Blaine’s eyes darted down to glance at the box, carefully wrapped in blue with a green bow stuck into the top. He felt his heart swell enough to fill his chest, butterflies coming to life within his stomach. He took the box from Kurt’s hands bringing it closer to his own body to stare at it with surprise.

“You didn’t have to-“ be raised his eyes to meet Kurt’s, but before he could continue, Kurt was interrupting, insisting he open it as he sat down on Blaine’s bed and patting the spot beside him.

“Oh, come on! Just open it!” Kurt bounced up and down on the navy blankets, watching excitedly as Blaine sat down beside him.

Blaine let himself smile as he carefully peeled the shiny wrapping paper off the box, appreciating that Kurt had spent time to wrap it himself. He retrieved the white box, from inside the paper, and smiled at the picture of a powder blue Polaroid camera printed on the front.

Blaine smiles up at Kurt, “You didn’t.”

“You work so hard at photography, I think it’s time you had something a little more... trendy.” Kurt smiled back at him. He didn’t have time to say much as Blaine drew Kurt to him again, hugging him tightly and smiling genuinely.

“Thank you.” He said.

Kurt laughed, and it was the most joy filled noise he had ever heard, Blaine thought. He decided to take his first photo right there, he loaded the camera and held it out in front of himself and Kurt. When the picture printed, it was a happy, genuine scene of the two boys. Blaine has his arm around Kurt’s waist while Kurt leans into him, Kurt smiling and giggling with bright eyes, Blaine looking down at the boy beside him, smile wide and eyes loving.

They spent well over an hour laughing and talking about pointless things that meant the world to Blaine. When Nick joined them later, the three decided to play Mario Kart, and the rest of the night was lost to giggles and not so confident trash talk. It was carefree and happy and easy, and Blaine found that he liked it.

That night, after everyone had gone off to their own rooms, Blaine laid in his bed, the Polaroid from earlier resting in his fingers, a soft smile pulling at his features. That was the moment that Blaine realized he never wanted to loose the smiling face printed before his eyes. He rolled over in bed and realized he hadn’t felt this happy in so, so long.

_____________________________________________

The next day passed in a blur as he crammed as much study time as he could into his school day, grimacing at yet another bad grade in Geometry. During his free period that he spent with the Warblers, a female voice cane over the intercom.

“May I have Blaine Anderson report to the front office?” She asked politely, papers ruffling in the background.

“Yes ma’am.” Skylar agreed, looking to me and nodding me off as he continued his speech.

I grabbed my things and sulked down the halls, my heart in my throat at the idea of being called to the office. What did they want with me? Would they tell my dad? That was my main concern.

“Hello?” I skunk silently into a chair in front of the desk when our principal waved me in.

She smiled at me with a small amount of pity on her face. “Blaine, you’re a smart boy, I myself don’t know why your grades have been slipping, especially Geometry.”

I hung my head, my heart rate speeding at a million miles an hour. “I’m sorry...” I wasn’t sure if she heard me, she kept talking regardless.

“Have you tried talking to your teachers? They’re always willing to help.”

“Yes ma’am, I go almost everyday after school.” It was true, I really was trying, I just didn’t understand the math.

She sighed, “How about you try some of these.” She began typing on her computer. “I’m going to email you some links to math help, and the number of a tutor that some of our students go to after school.” She smiled at me as she hit send.

I forced a smile, my heart rate slowing slightly and my breath returning to mostly normal, I was grateful for such a compassionate principal. “I’ll try them.”

“That’s great Blaine.” She was genuinely smiling, but her face fell slightly. “I do have to contact your parents though.”

There it was, those words I was dreading. My heart pounded on my rib cage, like a caged monster instead of a bird. My breath left me on my own for a moment before I was finally able to breath again. I knew my expression didn’t do my internal feelings justice. I tried to keep my mouth shut, I tried to just nod my head and leave the office without any further complaint, but something inside wouldn’t allow me.

“Please no...” I whispered, hate filing my words.

“I’m sorry?” She didn’t hear me, thank god, she didn’t hear me.

“I’m sorry, thank you.” I said as I stood and shuffled quickly out of the office, my head down.

I looked at the watch on my hand, only two more hours till school was over. I tried to push my thoughts in line, I tried to contain the storm spinning out of control inside my mind, but it was no use. I finally gave in, and I ran through the empty, polished halls, finding my way song without really looking.

As soon as I burst through the heavy wooden door that lead to my room, I slammed it behind me, not really hearing the loud *bang* it made. Everything was muffled and surreal as I slid down the door, bag falling limp beside me.

My lungs burned with each shallow, rushes breath. I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them and burying my head into them. I felt warm streaks of tears flooding down my face, choked sobs were barely audible to my cluttered mind. Fear clouded my judgment as I pushed myself to my feet, hatred and anger filling me.

If I wasn’t like this then I wouldn’t have to be afraid. If I hadn’t ever allowed myself to be so ‘weak’ nothing would have ever changed. If I was normal than my family wouldn’t have to be ashamed of me.

How foolish it had been of me to allow myself to be happy, how selfish it had been for me to use Kurt for that. I hated myself for my plan, my plan to.. to tell him about it.

I crossed the room, tears of frustration and anger welling up inside me. I flung open the drawer filled with random objects, my vision inked with tears as I fumbled mindlessly till my finger landed on the familiar pocket knife that my father had given me all those years ago.

I furiously shoved my right sleeve up my arm, flipping open the knife with a ‘click.’ Emotions we’re a turmoil of fear and hatred and frustration and anger as I slid the tiny blade down my forearm, breath shaking as I bared my teeth against the pain.

The cuts started small at first, then increased in size. I felt the searing pain in my wrist, I felt the warm blood tracking down my arm, I heard my pathetic, helpless whimpers as I seemed to go on autopilot, but my self hatred only grew.

I spoke out loud, something that didn’t happen often. “You’re worthless.” Cut. “You’re unnatural.” Cut. “You’ve made a fool of your family.” My father’s words repeated through my mouth, as if I had pressed play on some unknown recording.

After I had scrubbed the blood out of the cuff of my jacket, I laid it out to dry, my wrists patched by gauze and medical tape from the cabinet, I was no stranger to this situation.

I didn’t sleep that night, instead I laid in bed and let the hateful words fill my mind, I deserve them, don’t I?


	2. Origins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blaine is called home by his enraged father, let’s see what home life is like... I’m sorry! Blaine has a ton of internalized homophobia. :(

The next few days were absolutely not pleasant, Blaine was slipping away again. He was blocking out the world and everyone who cared for him, it didn’t go unnoticed, but Blaine couldn’t seem to allow anyone to help him. 

He always covered his wounds with his jacket, and he only ventured out of his room to go to class. Kurt and Nick noticed his change in attitude, both offering him gentle words and sharing confused glances between the two of them. Blaine knew that he was shutting them out, but he had greater things to worry about.

On Thursday at lunch, he was sitting across from Kurt, Nick beside him, a few other Warblers talking with them, the lunchroom abuzz with the chatter of students. 

Blaine’s phone buzzed in his bag, and he pulled it out, completely disengaged in the conversation anyway. He knew he should’ve felt some kind of emotion at his father’s text, demanding he come home on Friday night, but he just felt numb. Blank. The only emotion he felt was hatred for himself, he mentally scolded himself for being how he was, aware of the twisted expression on his face. 

‘Yes sir.’ He responded, sliding his phone back into his bag before resting his hands on the table, gripping at each other tightly, his knuckles faded white. 

Kurt smiled carefully at him, worry showing in his eyes, and it hurt Blaine that someone cared about him, someone who shouldn’t have to deal with him. 

“Who was it?” Kurt asked sweetly. 

Blaine just shook his head, turning his eyes down further, he hadn’t really looked at anyone in days, hadn’t allowed them to see the hurt and pain in his eyes. Kurt backed off when Nick looked at him thoughtfully, and they spoke some unknown language beside me, silent, yet they seemed to understand the other in that moment. 

I couldn’t look at Kurt, couldn’t let myself lock onto those beautiful, ocean eyes. I ‘couldn’t’ be like this, I couldn’t be in love with Kurt. It wasn’t right. It would only end up hurting more people, and I would be alone all over again, though I figured that I deserved to be. 

I had never told anyone, no one but my parents. They were right, weren’t they? It wasn’t right, it was a sin and I was disgusting. My friends at Dalton would surely shun me if they knew that I was gay, so I decided that they shouldn’t have to know.

I waited out the rest of the week, my mind filled with nothing but numbness and disgust for my own self. Friday came, and after my last class, I didn’t bother saying goodbye to my friends before I disappeared down the oddly sunny road. 

_____________________________________________

The tall, beautiful house that I was all too familiar with rose into my vision as I pulled down the long driveway, the stars beginning to peak through the dark sky. I parked my car and grabbed my school bag before I walked up to the door. I knocked on the wooden door, and the lock inside clicked open as my father opened the door, his stony eyes unreadable, yet I always seemed to be able to sense one thing off of him when I was around, anger. 

“Blaine.” His voice was gruff. 

“Yes sir?” I forced myself to meet his eyes. 

“You’re a disgrace.” He wasted no time in getting to his point, it was always the same. 

I dropped my head, everything felt heavy. “I know, sir.” The responses were drilled into my brain, easy for me to say, no emotion attached to them anymore. 

“What do you have to say for yourself?” He demanded. 

“I’m sorry, sir.” I responded, empty. 

The look on my father’s face said it all, he was in need of something to take out his anger on, and I happened to be on hand.

I saw his arm raise, and then a clap rang through the house as his palm connected with my cheek. I let the force of his hand turn my head sideways, my eyes unwavering as I turned my head back to him, not meeting his eyes. My cheek was on fire, burning right off my face, it seemed, but I didn’t dare to raise a hand to touch it. 

“You can’t do anything right!” He screamed as he grabbed my arm, shaking me. 

“I know, sir.” 

“You can’t even answer a simple question.” He pushed me away, and I stumbled a few steps back. 

“I know, sir.” My voice was stony and monotonous.

“Can’t you say anything else, boy?” He was already unbuckling his belt, posture straightening, threatening, aggressive. 

“What do you want me to say, sir?” I knew it was reckless of me to say that, foolish even. It would only set my father’s rage on fire, that’s when the fear returned to my eyes, and I missed the numbness as soon as the overwhelming emotion returned. My stomach dropped and my eyes shone with the fear that was stirring in me. 

“Take off your shirt.” 

I hesitated, but only briefly before tossing my jacket away and unbuttoning my shirt. I knew better than to put up a fight, it would only worsen my fate. 

I closed my eyes and awaited the worst and the pain, the waiting was almost worse than the real time agony.

His practiced hands wasted no further time before the belt collided with my ribs. I stood still, grunting at the worst blows, but mostly just crying silently. The skin where the belt’s stitching was often split, crimson liquid rolling off of the wounds. Bruises formed in patchy strips where the leather made contact, never moving above my shoulders, never where anyone could see. 

“Ah.” I whimpered as one of the worst blows made contact against my ribs, stinging like fire. 

“You’re a sin, Blaine. You’ve disgraced this family, think about all that I do for you! Even after you made your choice, I pay for your everything, boy!” The belt was relentless across my bare chest.

Blood spilled along many of the welts, tiny droplets sliding down my body. 

The man in front of me seemed to take notice of the fresh lines on my wrist, and he snatched my arm in his, pressing his thumb nail into one of the slender cuts. 

“This again?!” He bellowed, “What’s wrong with you?!” 

I choked back a sob and the belt was on my back. Old scars were tormented all over again, and new ones created. I fell to my knees, my father bringing one last harsh blow across my shoulder blades. Everything was spinning as I tried to keep myself conscious. 

“Don’t let this happen again. Not ever. Not after all that I’ve done for you, it better be ‘straight’ A’s from now on.” He growled, kneeing me over onto the ground. 

I didn’t have the strength to fight back as he shoved me down to the ground before stomping away angrily.

I didn’t have the strength to move for a long time, so I laid on the chilled floor, soft whimpers escaping my lips. I was angry, more with the universe than anyone else. Why did the universe make me like this? Why did the universe make it wrong to be the way I was? Why did the universe do this to me? It all seemed wrong, mixed up that someone should be tormented because of who they were, even though it didn’t seem to be my choice. I brushed the thought aside, it couldn’t be right, not the way I had been raised. Who would want a son like me anyways? I was pathetic. Not only was I a disgrace to my family, but I was too pathetic to even take a stand and make a difference within myself, change, be normal. I couldn’t even do that, who would want me? Who would want to love me? No one. I don’t remember how much time passed before I hauled my bruised and bloodied body off the cold wooden floor and tracked weakly upstairs, but it was well into the night when I did so. 

I cleaned my wounds the way I had so often in the past years, and then collapsed into my old bed, not caring that the remaining blood stained the grey sheets, though I knew my mother would, but yet I couldn’t find it in myself to care when she had left me to my own defenses against my father. 

I reached off the side of the bed and grabbed hold of my pants, fishing in the pocket until I felt the small rectangular picture between my fingers. I studied the picture in front of me, the same one that Kurt and I had taken on my birthday. I missed the empty comfort of my Dalton dorm as I laid in my childhood bedroom, but I missed the soft peace of Kurt’s presence even more.

I fell into the soft, blissful, lonely dark of sleep almost as soon as I laid down. As I let my exhausted mind fade into unconsciousness, the one thought in my mind was a genuine, shining smile, and intelligent turquoise eyes, caring and curious, meeting my gaze. At least when I slept I wasn’t in pain. 

Saturday was lonely, and it gave me too much time to think. I heard my father leave for work, and my mother spent her day downstairs working around the house as she always did. I stayed in bed for most of the day, only venturing downstairs to find a bottle of water and some crackers when my mother left for the grocery store. My parents didn’t speak to me for the rest of the day, and I was happiest that way. Instead of interacting with the people in my home, I sat in my room and went through my old things. I found an old notepad, the covers made of soft leather, it was filled with songs and poems that I had written when I still lived at home. 

I smiled at a few light hearted verses, humming the melody that I had created in my mind. Most of the words reflected how lost I really was. They were comforting, they let me think that at least, some things never change. 

Change. That’s all that my life had done in the past two years. I came out to my parents, I was rejected and beaten down. My father hurried to send me away to Dalton, which I had objected to at first, but when I arrived at the academy, I quickly fell in love. 

Dalton was safe. There was no Dad, no Mom, no side glances threatening me to stay away. Nobody knew my secrets. Nobody knew ‘me.’ It was safer that way. The only person that I truly missed from home was my older brother Cooper, but I still saw him on breaks and we spoke pretty frequently. Cooper had always accepted me for being who I was, he was the only reason that I survived those first three months at home after I had come out to my family. Cooper was always there, he always knew what to say. Things were hard, being away from Cooper, but Dalton was my home. 

Nick, who was such a special friend. I was lucky to have him, he seemed to understand everything. Well of course he couldn’t understand ‘everything,’ but he always looked at me in this way that told me he saw passed some invisible barrier, right to my core. 

The Warblers who were all so alike and yet so individual from one another. They were my family, I knew I could never loose them, that’s why I hid. They had saved me, in my time of need when I was giving up, they had brought me to the surface, showed me the air that I needed.

Things had been starting to look up. The Warblers had sectionals coming along soon, I hadn’t seen my family for nearly three months, which I knew I shouldn’t be counting as a win, but I couldn’t help it. I was beginning to be... content, for the first time in over two years. Then that beautiful boy stepped through those doors, just as lost as I was, and suddenly everything shifted. 

Kurt never did tell me why he was so frightened when he arrived at Dalton, or why he transferred in the first place. I brushed it off, I guessed that we all had our secrets to be kept, and for good reason. 

That didn’t stop me for wanting to help him, so I did. I invited him into the Warblers, and I stepped up to be his friend. He fell in with Nick and I easily, like it was normal, like ‘I’ was normal. It felt nice, having something so easy and so perfect at the same time. 

My emotions seemed to be in turmoil when Kurt was around, spinning out of control and twisting my mind, causing me to stumble over words. The ‘love struck schoolboy’ part wasn’t what was bad, it was when I realized what I was doing, thinking, what I was ‘hoping’ could be a reality. That’s where it got bad. 

I thought... I had thought that maybe I was bi... maybe I could find a girl and settle down and be normal, accepted, natural. I thought that I could put all the pain and the hate and the fear behind me, make it a ‘phase.’ When Kurt stepped into my life, I knew it wasn’t so. I hid it as best as I could, at least I thought so, he was so clearly the only one for me. Sometimes I found myself staring at Kurt, hands twitching, brain a muddle of thoughts. I shook my head at them, blushing madly and tossing aside the thoughts that persisted. 

I had a crush, on a boy. It was wrong of me, I know, but I couldn’t seem to stop it, no matter what I tried. I know that when things got bad inside my head, I started... to, hurt myself. I know that I pushed Nick and Kurt away. It wasn’t the first time it had happened to Nick, he had seen me in an episode before, a few times, but for Kurt, it was new. I almost wished that they knew, that they knew why I was pushing them away, because I didn’t want Kurt to be so upset when I turned away from him. I didn’t want that frown on his face to ever be because I put it there, I almost couldn’t take it. But then again, I didn’t have a choice. This was what I deserved, right?

Sunday I slept in till almost eleven, and it was almost nice, relaxing, but I could never let my guard down under the same roof as my parents. They didn’t bother me, they left me on my own in my room. 

I heard Cooper, my older brother, slide into the house talking about his new job opportunity at about noon. I heard my parents congratulating him, saying they were “proud of him.” Tears pricked my eyes but I barely registered them, the blood trickling down my wrist distracting me. I patted the new scar with a towel, my pocket knife sitting innocently on my desk.

Cooper entertained my parents for a while before I heard his footsteps coming up the steps. I was sitting on my bed lightly strumming my ucalaly when he walked in, smile bright but eyes slightly saddened.

“Hey little bro!” He says enthusiastically as he sits down on my bed and ruffles my hair. I struggle to escape his grasp but eventually I do.

“I’ve warned you about the hair, Coop.” I say, holding up a finger in his direction, but a smile was tugging at my lips even as I did so.

Cooper laughed lightly at me, and then he laid down on my bed, crossing his arms behind his head and staring up at the ceiling.

“How’s school?” He asks.

“It’s been good, classes are pretty hard though. I’m no good at geometry.” I laughed but it was clearly fake.

He hums his response. “Neither am I. How’s Nick?”

“He’s good!” I say, genuinely brightening a bit at the mention of my friend. “He’s been working really hard at the choreography for Warblers’ Regionals lately. Kurt’s has some very helpful suggestions too.” It’s nice to have a conversation with someone who knows everything about me for once, I don’t have to watch what I say, I can just... be.

“Oh? Who’s this Kurt?” He asks.

“He’s a new student at Dalton, we’ve gotten pretty close this year.” I say, ignoring the blush resting on my cheeks as I think about him.

This doesn’t know unnoticed by Cooper who turns his head towards me. “A friend?” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.

I feel my heart leap. “Cooper! No way, it’s not like that...” my voice trails off, “it can never be like that.” I thought he may not have heard the last part, he wasn’t really meant to, but when he sits up and crosses his legs, looking at me with concern, I know he picked up on the real meaning behind my words.

“Blaine, do you like him?” Cooper asks genuinely.

“Cooper, that can’t happen.” I say, my voice low and eyes slightly hardened.

“But do you like him?” I know I’m not getting out of this without giving him a real answer.

I sigh, guilt filling me. “Maybe.” The blush on my cheeks deepens.

Cooper raises an eyebrow. “Maybe?”

I shake my head, closing my eyes and flopping backwards on my bed. “Fine! Yes! He’s totally gorgeous and perfect and I get goosebumps every time I hear his voice! Happy?” I raise my voice a little even though I know Cooper is just trying to help.

He’s quiet for a moment before responding, a slight grin lilting his voice. “So do something about it.”

I groan and cross my arms over my chest. “You know I can’t do that, Cooper.”

“But why not, Blaine?” Cooper sounds slightly frustrated.

“Because.”

“Because what?”

“Cooper, you know why.” My voice is flat and my tone is slightly hostile, but he knows why I can’t and he’s pushing the line a little bit.

Cooper sighs. “I know why you think you can’t, but in reality, there’s no reason that you shouldn’t. Not if you like him as much as you say you do.”

I’m silent for a moment, just listening, wishing I believed him.

“Blaine, someday you’re gonna look back and you’re gonna realize that the only opinion that matters is your own, and perhaps mine.” He never had more than two seconds of serious in him. “Dad’s opinion, it doesn’t matter. I just,” Cooper’s voice cuts out, and when I look up I’m surprised to see unshed tears resting in his eyes, “I just want you to be happy little bro. If Kurt’s gonna make you happy, I want you to be with him.”

I wished I believed Cooper’s words, I really, really wished I was as strong as Cooper, able to go out and formulate my own beliefs. I didn’t want to believe what my father did. I wanted to love who I was, but how could I?

I nodded, my vision blurring as Cooper watched me. “I’ll try.” I said softly. Maybe I wasn’t ready to have a relationship with Kurt, as much as I wanted it, but I was ready to try, to give myself a chance.

Cooper pulled me into a hug and I held onto him for a little longer than necessary. Topics changed to lighter things after that, and Cooper stayed in my room for about an hour before venturing off to do whatever it was he came home to do.

_____________________________________________

At about three in the evening, I received a text from Kurt, and I felt butterflies jump in my stomach.

‘Hey Blaine! I hope your visit home is going well.’ It read. I picked up my phone to type back before stopping myself. Should I respond? Surely Kurt didn’t want to speak with me, not after I had ignored him for the past month. He didn’t deserve it, he didn’t deserve any of my problems and blemishes. He deserved a normal, good natured best friend with a great personality who could appreciate him. He didn’t deserve disgraceful, unnatural, broken Blaine. 

‘No.’ I thought. ‘You have to try.’ I pushed the thoughts to the back of my mind and typed a quick response. 

‘Yeah! I got to see my brother, should be heading back to Dalton soon.’ I send it.

I set my phone down, sighing and running my fingers down the scars on my right wrist, imagining Kurt was sitting next to me. 

I got my things together shortly after, not that I had many of them, and quickly scurried out of the house. Tossing my leather shoulder strap school bag in the backseat, I started my car without much thought and pulled as quickly as possible out of the shaded driveway. I was thankful to get away with only one run in with my father, I didn’t need the lecture. My physical wounds were healing, the bruise on my face nearly gone, faded away. The bruises along my rib cage and back were turning light pink, finding their way back to my normal skin tone. The cuts on my body and my wrists were healing, the few on my wrists more fresh, having been made the day of. 

The drive to Dalton was slow and easy, and I lost myself in the simple ness of it, the music playing over the radio languid and comforting. I sang along to sad love songs, thinking about the words in my own life, set in motion by recent events. 

I arrived at the old school and walked straight to my room, my eyes never raising to see who I passed by. I was embarrassed, to be honest, though I don’t know what for. Nobody could see my physical ailments, and everyone seemed to pass by without a second thought, some waving and smiling at me. I only worried that Kurt would be somewhere, he would call me over, run up to me, try to ask me how my trip was. I was afraid that that handsome smile would make the butterflies leap in my stomach, that his pale lips would make my mouth go dry, that his wonderful eyes would draw my attention. 

Nothing happened, I made it to my room, walked in, and let my bag fall to the floor. I collapsed tiredly on my bed, even though I hadn’t done anything of physical exertion in the day. I winced as my bruised body made contact with the cheap school sheets. 

Falling asleep, warm creeks found their way down my face, sliding into their familiar place. I couldn’t know why.

I reached across the bed and let my fingers grab the Polaroid picture of me and Kurt. I smiled faintly at it, something about Kurt was always able to make me smile. The picture of laughter on his face or my arm around his waist, maybe his twinkling eyes or his scrunched nose made my lips pull together into a curve, just a hint of happiness creeping into my eyes. It was enough. And with my gaze on Kurt’s glowing eyes, I felt my heart flutter within my chest, my feelings undeniable. And even broken as I was, lost and confused and empty, it seemed like maybe I could learn to feel again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading anyone who did! It’ll get happier I promise, sorry for the angst loves, it’s worth it! :,)


	3. Ready to Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey loves! It’s been forever and honestly I can’t say sorry enough... I got really discouraged about writing in general, but now I’ve got a better idea of where I want this story to go, so welcome back! I live to read comments, constructive criticisms and all:)

Blaine awoke the next morning to the sound of his alarm next to his head, and he rolled over, groaning as he turned it off. 

The events from the day before flooded his mind. Blaine sighed as he rolled out of bed, wincing slightly at his bruised rib cage, but ignoring the slight ache and putting on a new Dalton uniform and heading to the bathroom to tame his out of control curls. 

Surprisingly, he wasn’t too overly upset about his weekend. He was mostly just frustrated with his situation. As he was fighting with one particularly stubborn curl, his phone lit up with a text notification. Upon closer inspection, he recognized it as Cooper’s contact. 

‘Hey Blainers! Remember to give Kurt a hug for me;)’ it says. Blaine chuckles lightly at his brother’s not so subtle nudge. 

‘Yeah, right.’ Blaine sends back, a smirk on his face. 

‘Just have a good day, little bro.’ The sudden shift in tone makes Blaine’s head cloud with thoughts. 

Cooper had talked him into agreeing to try to be himself. Yesterday it had seemed impossible, but all of the sudden, Blaine didn’t seem so afraid to walk the Dalton halls confidently. 

He was soon ready and on his way to get coffee before first period. He walks to the big open room with large, round, wooden tables scattered about. He notices some of the Warblers seated at one, including Nick, and he walks over to them, genuinely smiling. 

It’s weird, smiling at them. For a moment he wonders if he should stop himself and change his expression, but when Nick smiles brightly back at him, the doubt dissipates. 

“Hey, Blaine!” He says, pushing a chair back so that the shorter Warbler can sit down in it. 

“Hey.” he says, grinning a little sheepishly. 

“Good weekend?” Nick asks. 

“Yeah. I got to see Cooper.”

Nick nods and smiles a little wider at Blaine, which he returns. As Nick jumps back into the conversation with the other Warblers, arguing playfully with Wes, Blaine raised his eyes as he noticed Kurt walking into the room, looking tired. 

The blue eyed boy walks over to the table and sits down besides Blaine, letting his bag droop to the floor and sighing, gripping his coffee between both hands on the table. 

“Hey.” He says, sipping from the foam cup. 

“Hey, Kurt.” Blaine smiles at him a little, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as he wonders whether he should ask about his mood or not. He decides that it’s in Kurt’s best interest. “You ok?” 

Kurt looks a little surprised that he was starting the conversation, eyebrows raising as he turned to face Blaine. “Yeah, just tired.” He says. 

Blaine raises an eyebrow, he knew Kurt better than that. “Really?” 

“No, not really. It’s no big deal though.” He shoots me a small smile, but it’s very clearly fake. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Blaine asks him, mind filling with what could have possibly happened to make Kurt so upset. 

Kurt scans the table around us, the other boys engaged in a loud conversation about the newest Avengers movie. He turns back to Blaine, a certain weight lifting off his features as he smiles slightly at him. 

“What if we just go and try some of those new cronut things later at the new place in town?” Kurt asks, almost blurting it out. 

Blaine’s face is blank for a moment before he smiles at the boy in front of him, eyes lighting up. “I’d love to.” He grins, and for once, it’s genuine. 

Kurt smiles back even wider. Their eyes lock, blue finding brown, and they stay like that for a moment, oblivious to the world around them. It’s only when the five minute bell rings that they’re snapped out of their thoughts. Kurt turns his head to the side, looking down at the ground as a rosy shade spread across his cheeks. Blaine smiles at him as he grabs his bag, standing up as the Warblers around them start to gather their things and leave. 

Blaine surprises himself as he reaches a hand towards Kurt. “Walk to class with me?” He’s a little shocked at his own question. 

“Uhm, yeah.” Kurt says somewhat shyly, Kurt accepts the hand and lets Blaine help pull him up. Their hands aren’t connected for nearly long enough, Kurt thinks. 

They walk to Kurt’s first period classroom together, and when they stop outside the door, Kurt turns to smile at Blaine. 

“What time is good for you this evening?” He asks the darker haired boy. 

“School ends at two, so how about we leave at about five? I’ll drive.” 

With Blaine standing in front of him, grinning that slightly lopsided, love able grin, Kurt is having trouble focusing on forming a response. 

“Perfect.” He manages, just a little awkward as he smiles back and starts into his classroom. “See you later.” 

“Bye!” Blaine knows his excitement is seeping into his voice, but he doesn’t mind. 

He heads off to his first period, a new bounce in his step and a new emotion bubbling inside him. He walks into Chemistry as the bell is ringing, and takes a seat next to Trent, a Warbler he was fairly good friends with, and they settled to listening to their teacher’s boring lecture about chemical bonds. 

Blaine’s day passes in a busy haze, classes coming and going. He studies in between classes for Geometry, none of his other classes give him problems anyways, they’re easy to him. 

He and Kurt have their last class together, English. They read the chapter that they were assigned in To Kill A Mockingbird, and then Blaine is sitting on the floor with Nick, Trent, Wes, and Kurt. They are talking about insignificant things, their conversation filled with smiles and laughter, and it’s easy. 

Blaine finds his eyes always drifting to Kurt in the midst of laughter, and he finds that more often than not Kurt is looking over in his direction. When the bell rings, they all say goodbye, and head off in their own directions. 

_____________________________________________

An hour later Blaine is sitting in his dorm reading a comic book from Nick when he hears a knock at his door. He puts down the comic and gets up to open the door, noting the time, he still has about an hour till he had to be ready to leave with Kurt. 

When he opens the door, Nick is standing there, he grins at Blaine and welcomes himself into his dorm, as usual. 

“Hey.” Blaine says. “What’s up?” He goes back to sit on his bed, putting the comic to the side and paying attention to his friend as he sat down on the opposite side of the bed. 

“Nothing much. Just thought I’d come and hang out.” He smiles. Blaine is about to say something else when Nick looks at him pointedly and speaks up, wasting no time in getting to his point. “When is your date with Kurt?” He asks, smiling cheekily. 

Blaine’s head shoots up and his eyes widen at the words coming from Nick’s mouth, it was certainly not a date, and how did he find out? “What? Oh, it’s not a date.” He stumbles dumbly. 

“Yeah, sure.” Nick scoffs playfully. “Where are you taking him? Somewhere romantic I hope.” Nick wiggles his eyebrows. 

Blaine feels like curling up underneath his blankets and never coming out ever again, in more ways than one. What is Nick saying? Does he know about Blaine’s... inconvenience? Does he know that Blaine has a massive crush on Kurt? Oh, god, Nick is going to hate him, too. He’s going to lose one of his best friends, oh, god. 

“Blaine?” Nick questions, still a playful lilt to his voice, but genuine concern showing in his eyes. 

“What?” The dark haired boy’s head shoots up, snapping him out of his revere. “It’s not, it’s not a date.” He’s slightly panicked. 

Nick raises his eyebrows at him. “Don’t be-“ 

“Nick! I swear it’s not a date! Just back off!” Blaine cuts him off, his cheeks turning red from embarrassment and fear as he stands up, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Woah, easy, Blaine.” Nick stands as well, putting his hands in front of him. “I didn’t mean to offend you, I was just teasing cause you’ve got a cr-“ Nick can’t continue because Blaine’s face is bright red and he’s yelling. 

“A what?! A crush!? Nick, guys can’t have crushes on guys. It’s not right.” The last part is mumbled, not for Nick to hear, but he does anyways. 

Nick’s face drops to one of recognition and sadness for his friend, so obviously trying to compromise who he really was. 

“Blaine, I’m sorry. But, can we talk about this?” Blaine looks to Nick’s face, seeing his friend’s genuine concern written all over his expression. 

Blaine and Nick have been friends for two years now, and Nick has always supported Blaine, no matter if he was right or wrong. Blaine wanted to tell Nick, of course he did, Nick was his friend, but Blaine’s mind was a whirlwind of self hatred and confusion. 

His wrists are itching for his blade and he’s trying his best to ignore it but he can’t, so instead of responding, he drops his eyes and digs his fingernails into his right wrist. 

This doesn’t go unnoticed by Nick, so he reaches forwards and separates Blaine’s hands, looking at him with eyes filled with pity. 

“Please.” Nick is practically begging him. 

Blaine doesn’t know if he can trust even Nick with this, the last time he came out to someone, his dad had beat the life out of him, maybe Blaine would have been worse off if it hadn’t been for Cooper stopping his dad. When he looks up at Nick’s sympathetic, understanding expression again, he just can’t seem to hide anymore, something within him breaks, and he’s rushing to tell Nick everything.

He sighs heavily and then dives in. “Nick, I- I don’t want to lose you, you’re my best friend man, and I-“ Blaine raises his eyes momentarily to check the expression on Nick’s face. “I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, so, please don’t be mad, but, uhm, I’m gay.” Blaine’s voice is barely above a whisper as he murmurs the last two words, his eyes watering and he’s sure that if he looks at Nick all he’ll see is disgust. 

But it’s not true, when he raises his eyes to glance at his friend, Nick is smiling and pulling Blaine in for a quick yet reassuring hug. 

“Blaine, you’re not gonna lose me over something like that.” Nick tells him, releasing him and sitting back to look at his friend. 

Blaine’s heart is jumping in his chest with the aftershocks of fear and happiness that Nick isn’t angry or disgusted. Nick is happy for him. 

“Really?” Blaine’s voice is breathy. This is the first time in a long time that it’s felt like maybe the world isn’t such a bad place, like maybe he’s going to be alright after all. 

“Oh course!” Nick is half laughing through his statement. “Now, c’mon, let’s play Mario Kart.” Nick pats Blaine on the back and sets to gathering remotes while Blaine fights through the initial shock of what had just happened.

The normalcy of Mario Kart and Nick’s overconfident trash talk eases Blaine’s frantic mind, and Nick moves forwards, acting normal as ever and laughing as he lobs a green shell at Blaine’s character. Soon, Blaine is smiling and leaning with his kart’s turns, and for once, something is ok. Not everything, there’s too many broken things in his life for everything to be ok, he himself was too broken for everything to be ok... but something is healed, and it feels nice, to have something that’s ok for once. It feels like the smile was returning to his face and it reached his eyes again. It felt like maybe he could learn to smile again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading:) May not be the best story or writing but I love these characters and I’m having a good time about it!! <3


End file.
